My New Flame

Wow, haven't posted anything in awhile.. well here we go again (smirks) A lot has happened and I am beginning to wonder if the future is that exciting. I know I'm in the present more now (better than before where I stressed over the past and future) I'm more chill and taking things seriously, of course you got to be a kid every once and awhile, enjoy the little things, even if you don't have a lot. I'm still going on the computer and playing some sort of game or talking to people again. I have a group of friends I hold dear to me and some I just got back to talking to, makes me happy and I know what keeps me at float even if others see it as a way to escape real life (shrugs) who cares, they were all upset that I was bugging them in real life and saying I should go do my own thing, so here I am (smiles) I'm glad I am not popular, I can be content and not as hyper as I use to be. I want to be happy all the time, of course I have felt so many emotions, some times all at once (laughs) I would be surprised to see the look on my lovers face if he was always sitting next to me, he would think I was crazy, being single still gets to me but I know I still have love for everyone, the one true love hasn't truly hit me yet, maybe sparks but I want my love to last with someone who can see a house, kids, and growing old together, sounds silly but I can't see that online and try seeing that in real life just turns to be heart breaking experiences (scratches head with a sigh) I would say to not worry about me with all this but I know its hard, I even worry, even more for others, I want to look after all my friends and know we all have feelings, just because we are on the internet doesn't make us robots. One day we will have the technology to go into a game and interact with people like in real life (daydreams) I have an over-acting imagination, if my mind were on some paper we would need a huge piece of paper (laugh) Anyway, as for my work for Dollar Tree, I'm now head cashier, meaning I make sure the other cashiers do what they need to do and if they need help I am there, always in the front of the store and making sure if looks nice for the customers, I am always working in the morning time by myself so I know how to get the work done so the afternoon cashier doesn't have to worry about much and to ring customers up while helping them, answering questions, taking care of concerns so now I rarely call on the managers. The beginning of training to become an assistant manager, sounds awesome (giggles) I can't do much now but when I do I will help everyone out because us cashiers have enough to put up with. Working is great and I have no problems with it, there is stress but I take pride in my work more now and understand it. Well I hope one day I can get my car and move out, I can't keep living like this, with my parents, getting nothing accomplished so I shall get started with first.. going to school...

P.S.- Check out my friends music: http://x-p38.bandcamp.com/album/dead-planet

~Happy

"I'm not gonna run away & I never go back on my word, That is my Ninja Way!"

Done with Work for Today! Now for some Interesting Music

Well.. time to write again since I haven't in awhile.. sorry? Meh.. Not much to say when you have a mind like mine, going to say something and nothing comes out. I actually want to tell you all what I did today.. typical for people to do that on here, right? I work at Dollar Tree.. for $7.35 an hour, its a big job for me (I'm 23 but I feel like I'm in my 30s) Very sad but don't worry, I have lived like this since I was 10 or so, this pain is what made me who I am. Since its a Sunday I woke up around 7:30 a.m. (also the time was pushed forward an hour) to get ready and leave out at 8 a.m. and arrive around 8:30 a.m. (it takes me about 10 mins. to get ready and my dad drives fast so we aren't really that "far") I have about 30 mins. to get the store ready and it makes my job a lot easier when the night shift cleans up and helps out for the morning shift, which is.. ME! Since its a Sunday that means people will need birthday balloons.. so I fill up as much as we have and tie them to the end caps (aka the ends of the isles) Not long til we open up at 9 a.m. there is already people coming into the store so I got to ring them up for their items they wish to purchase. Which today was good, nobody returned, exchanged, or broke anything on my shift (unless my assistant manager broke something because I heard a crash in the back where he was and it looked like we had people steal a few things.. eh, such is life, can't do much about it, only to tell people its not good TO STEAL!) But anyways.. my shift from 8:30 a.m. til 2 p.m. was nothing but boxes and putting items away.. so.. many... boxes! I can see why I have scars on my hands and arms because I'm clumsy enough to hurt myself. I was about to clean up the front which I always do but I missed some items to put in the go-backs (aka the baskets near the registers we have to put items in that don't belong in our area, thus for have to be put back in the right area) I'm a OCD clean freak but when I have boxes to open, items to put away, and straightening up to do that's the #1 priority.. I will miss a few things to do, my mind can only handle so much and when I'm at work its running a full speed.. its crazy, even more when people talk to you and ask you questions. I'm happy to have cashiers come in on time and help me out, even more when I'm stuck with the one manager that will not give me a break, for he hath always something to complain.. eth about. One day I will show him how great of a cashier I can be and then he won't have to complain out loud to me or about me, I think he just does it to everyone though, just one of those people... Well he took me down (aka pulled out my till or money tray and we counted it to see if I was short or not on money, signing papers, then saying our goodbyes as I go clock out) BUT WAIT!!! I have to takes empty boxes and trash to the back.. I'm beginning to think I can't grasp something for too long or else my hand starts to hurt.. at least I got it all back there and also had to help some ladies get some balloons, well now I can clock out. I got to  put my name badge away, grab my items (which isn't many) and text my mom to come get me (I'm grateful and blessed to have parents who are willing to take me to and from work, this helps me save up to move to Texas.. for sure) Now I sit here writing to you guys with this song playing over and over on YouTube cause I'm not sure what it means.. he talks about wanting to f**k everyone off and break their necks but he doesn't want to be along?! I just think this song still goes with my day of how I feel? Or maybe how my manager feels? What do you think? ...

~Happy

"I'm not gonna run away & I never go back on my word, That is my Ninja Way!"

Lets move to Texas! NOW!

So many emotions today, I'm happy to have my boyfriend to talk to, he makes me have tears of joy (oh the irony) I really want to see him again, I make it a mission to imagine him next to me everyday. I support him and know he tells the truth, for now I know the answers. He makes me feel the happy I need to be, myself, but to never fall off my path, what I truly want is to keep fighting at work, be a friend.. NO! A BEST friend to others, a lending ear, and to my sweet heart a lap to lay his head on. To keep saving and push my way to the things I need to keep myself happy and honest with myself. To see long past friends, to dance the night away in another state, then fly to my new living quarters where friends will be there for me every step of the way (and I believe that knowing how my past roommates were like) Don't shoot me down life, God keep me going, let me love and my love reach others in many ways. It may be hard today, but what about tomorrow? Let us fly then.

Who I am and What I need

I am not despondent, but hopeful.
I am not happy, but oh well, I am
Being penetrated by these thoughts
Of lust
Love
Fag
Rise above
The rest of them
Kiss a guy, get a man
Be a bi, lend a hand
Join a club, be proud
Get (a guy) to shout out loud
That he loves me!
I'll fucking tell you that
I need a guy
Maybe I'm not bi
Cuz all I have now is lust
For someone lacking a bust
I don't care about Rachel
Don't care about Leight
All I want is a man to love and cherish me
Going crazy
Dazed and hazy
Soon I'm going to go to school
Is being gay cool?

    Anonymous, age 14

~Happy

"I'm not gonna run away & I never go back on my word, That is my Ninja Way!"

Officially 23, Good Bye Taylor Swift

I was waiting til 9:46 p.m. hit for me to type this out, that's when I was born from what my mother tells me. I'm a 23 year old woman that has a future to look forward to, I can see it so clearly now, it makes me the happiest girl alive. Even more to know a man is by my side no matter what. I love him so much and can't wait to see what happens when I support him and love him in anything he does. I was born on the border line of Kentucky and Tennessee (which the part I was on was Tennessee so... yeah!) I grew up southern and I know I still have it in me, moving around you can tell and hear it in my voice I have a weird but interesting accent. Even I can get words mixed up and speak out of line, I have my sister and boyfriend kicking me for what I say that's wrong! It's all fine, everything is good with them, I'm very happy to be back with my friends and lover, how it was in the beginning and how I came back into it. I'm blessed, I am Happy, I'm going to save up, move out, and have a little bit more peace back into my life, because I want to be on my own (rather I will be with roommates again but they help out more than my ex roommates)

~Happy

"I'm not gonna run away & I never go back on my word, That is my Ninja Way!"

Intro Into Happys Thoughts

Looks like I have been dragged into this by my best friend/internet sister, not that it's a bad thing.
As I listen to my tunes I'm reminded of my past and for once my future.. with who? What I have become?
Still learning though, still making those baby steps (even though they seem like huge steps)
As I have come to the fact of me finally having a job and money, my savings have become more and more a part of a task, coming from a very fun job that I wouldn't dare to let go of (scared of change)
Other than that I don't go out much, I try harder than I did back then, I hate being in a box filled with item that remind me of the fun times being out there and alive.. I can still do that inside right?
I have best friends online that need me, just how I need them. You just need to know everyone has a heart, weather they lie or not (gender, age, looks, and/or speech) At least that's all I can think of since I have been through all that, I feel bad a bit inside being mad for all those when I can just understand.
So.. simple life? Living with parents like any other single woman/man or at least when I try to be with someone its never the case of me moving out, I end up staying here. I have to admit being away from my parents for 2 years, that was the greatest yet hardest times in my life, even when I had a little bit of help from friends/roommates. I can't want to move and being roommates with my best friends that I have known for plenty of years. I'm going to be checking out the place here soon too, just to have a nice vacation.
Well this body of mine is tired and sore, time for me to wrap this up and try to shut off this daydreaming brain of mine, for that I leave you with a tune, Enjoy ^-^v

~Happy

"I'm not gonna run away & I never go back on my word, That is my Ninja Way!"